An Eagles vs. Football Team Haiku
LOL Giants
Why don’t you go cry some more
Win more than 6 games

The Eagles played a game on Sunday night (sort of). I know it wasn’t fun to watch, but if I promise to put more effort into my article than the Eagles put into the game will you stick around and read it? Yeah? Ok then, let’s dive in and talk about some individual performances and an overblown storyline in the final edition of Stock Up/Stock Down for the 2020 season.  

Stock Down

The Washington Football Team

The Washington Football team may have won the battle, but they lost the war on Sunday night. While their fans and players will be excited about a playoff birth, it will hurt the team tremendously long term. It will likely hurt tremendously next week as well when they get blown out at home by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. After all, it took a tank job of epic proportions for the Football Team to squeak by the Eagles. Side Note: Chase Young, I think you are great. But you probably shouldn’t run your mouth at Tom Brady after such a pathetic, playoff-clinching win.

The Football Team has a scary front 7 on defense, a scary Terry on offense, and an overall solid, young roster. They are well-positioned for the future save one position: quarterback. Dwayne Haskins is gone and Alex Smith is likely done as well. With a loss on Sunday, the Football team would have been picking #10 in the draft in April, well within striking distance of securing a franchise QB in a very talented QB draft. Instead, they will likely be picking #19 after losing next weekend, making it that much harder for them to secure the QB of the future that they so desperately need to capitalize on their otherwise talented roster.

Jalen Hurts

Listen, I’m not going to malign Hurts much for this game. How can you judge a quarterback when Brett Toth and Matt Pryor are his starting tackles? Hurts was able to put up 2 touchdowns on the ground while running for his life, but generally (and predictably) struggled in the passing game. I have a lot of doubts about Hurts as a full-time starter for the long term and in his 4 games as the starter, he did nothing to dispel those doubts.

Howie Roseman

DK Metcalf set a Seahawks record on Sunday for season receiving yards with 1,303. The receiver that Howie selected instead, J.J. Arcega-Whiteside, also had a great day putting up the 2nd best performance of his career: 2 receptions for 40 yards. Justin Jefferson set an NFL record for most rookie receiving yards in the Super Bowl Era on Sunday with 1,400 yards. Jalen Reagor, who Howie selected 1 pick ahead of Jefferson, caught 1 pass for 15 yards to cap his exciting 396 yard rookie season. Did somebody say, “It’s Howie Season?”

Eagles Legends

If Sunday was the last game for Zach Ertz in Philadelphia, it was a very bitter way to go out. Ertz has been consistently great for the team prior to this season and desperately wants to return. Unfortunately, it is exceedingly unlikely due to Howie’s gross mismanagement of the salary cap. Jason Kelce may have played his final game as an Eagle as well as he has openly flirted with retirement for the last couple of seasons. Brandon Graham will be back, but he failed to notch his first 10 sack season. There is a massive change coming to the organization and it will be hard to let some of these all-time great Eagles go.

Stock Up

Nate Sudfeld

Nate, from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you for putting that loss on ice. I was very concerned that the Eagles were going to mess around and win the game, but you found a way to keep that from happening. I will forever be grateful for your services, as will the rest of Eagles Nation.

Draft Capital

With a victory on Sunday, the Eagles would have drafted 9th in the upcoming draft. With a loss, they would have drafted 6th. Mercifully the Eagles lost and obtained the higher draft pick. According to the NFL Draft Pick Value Chart, the Eagles’ picks with a win would have been valued at 2,187.7 points. With a loss, they are valued at 2,487.4 points. That is a difference of 299.7 points which equates to the 28th pick in the 2nd round. So essentially, by losing the Eagles gained a late 2nd round pick. At least something finally went right this season.


JJAW had the 2nd best game of his career on Sunday night when he caught 2 passes for 40 yards. Rumor has it that Howie is already in talks with him about a 12-year contract extension.

Jake Elliott

Jacke Elliott didn’t miss a kick on Sunday. Given how few times that has happened this season, it is definitely noteworthy. Although, given that the Eagles wanted to lose the game to begin with, it is fair to wonder if Elliott was instructed to miss kicks and accidentally made them instead. I guess there are some questions that we will never have the answers to.

New York Giants

I know their players are upset that they didn’t make it into the playoffs with a 6-10 record. Believe me, the whole world knows after you took to Twitter crying. Instead, you should be thanking the Eagles. Instead of picking in the 20s, you now have the 11th pick in the draft. Maybe this is the catalyst to get rid of Dave Gettleman. The Eagles did you a massive favor on Sunday night, and if you don’t like it I guess the only thing you can do about it is win more than 6 games next time.

Overrated Story Line

TaNkInG iS a DiSgRaCe! DoUg ShOuLd Be EmBaReSsEd!

The Eagles were called out by fans, Giants players, and media members during the game. Why? Who really cares?    

You know what? He is right. I have changed my mind. His passionate plea for the integrity of the game has swayed my opinion. Except, wait a minute. What did he say less than 3 months ago?

Oh, that’s right. Tanking a game is a grievous offense if it is week 17 in primetime rather than a season-long project. Do you not remember when the Sixers blatantly tanked for years for draft capital? Do you not remember ‘Suck for Luck’? How about ‘Tank for Tua’?  What about the time the Bucs intentionally took a safety to ensure that they got the #1 overall pick to select Jameis Winston?

Save me the outrage. Teams who have secured their playoff seeding often rest their starters going into week 17. Do people complain about that? Of course not. And why should they? Teams should do what is in their best interest. That is exactly what the Eagles did. If you don’t like that then blame the NFL for putting a meaningless game on prime time (unless you are the Giants, then just look in the mirror and ask why you are entitled to a playoff spot with a 6-10 record).

But Doug Should Be Fired For This!

Really? Do you really think that Doug Pederson, a coach who has been under fire all season, made the decision to tank this game on his own? That isn’t the decision a coach makes. That decision came from the top. That was a Jeffrey Lurie and Howie Roseman decision. If you don’t like it, and I don’t blame you, call for their heads on Twitter, not Doug’s.  

I apologize if the quality tailed off there at the end of the article. My editor made the decision to bench me and insert my backup writer for awhile to get a look at what he can do. I don’t know about you, but I can’t believe someone would make that decision when writing such a meaningless article about such a meaningless game. But, what are you gonna do? 
In all seriousness though, I do want to take a moment and thank all of you for following along with me this season. Eagles content is still going to be coming your way frequently as I preview draft targets, talk about offseason moves, do numerous mock drafts, and re-grade last season’s draft. So stay tuned!

If you enjoy my Eagles content I would love to hear from you! Hit me up on Twitter (@HAFFnHAFF_TPL), my dms are always open. And be sure you follow @ThePaintedLines for all of our top-notch coverage of all of our not so top-notch teams. Also be sure to subscribe to The Painted Lines Youtube Channel for all our great video content including a new series, “The Checkdown” for quick-hitting analysis of all the breaking news.