Information is coming fast and furious and things are changing by the minute. It is STRESSFUL.

I don’t know about you, but the world coming to a metaphorical halt over COVID-19 has me focusing on things other than watching Riverdale and Nancy Drew. Especially since my daughter, coincidentally, woke up with a fever and a cough last week. This afternoon we were told she tested negative to COVID-19. I hadn’t realized how much worry I was carrying until the call came in to let me know she did not have the virus. It wasn’t so much that I worried about whether she would be okay in the end, because I am confident in her health improving. My concern was in figuring out who she came into contact with prior to realizing she was sick.

Whoever thought I would be relieved to hear that she had a regular run-of-the-mill virus and wouldn’t be potentially killing someone with her cough? Certainly not me. So for those of you feeling overwhelmed or anxious, I’m with ya. This entire ordeal has felt surreal, far more like a movie plot than real life. Yes, I do think eventually it will be a movie and I do hope Tom Hanks is starring. 

The Locked Room

Archie, Betty, and Veronica were in on Jughead’s fake death from the very beginning. They had to be, I mean they were the ones to find him bleeding in the woods. The tricky, and not as well written part I might add, is when and how everyone else found out.  Jellybean was kept out of the loop, but figured things out all on her own. FP was brought in after the bloody rock was found, but before the search party went out for Jughead’s body. Archie told his mom what we thought he did, up in his room when he pulled the curtain closed on Betty. Veronica enlisted Hermosa just to get Hermosa to stop being annoying about looking into it herself. Which ended up being a good call on her part.

Leaping Lizards

Bahaha, who else thought it was awesome to see Bret literally jump out of his seat when Jughead and Betty stormed in his class? Followed by Jughead’s sexy, witty statement, “Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.” Hahaha! This is like the best scene ever! DuPont’s ghostwriter challenge for the Baxter Brothers was to devise the perfect murder, which is why when Jughead used Jason’s murder as his fodder they asked him to rewrite. Clearly, it couldn’t be the perfect murder. It had already been done. So what if the real challenge, the real price that someone had to pay was to commit the perfect murder? Bret, Donna and Mr. DuPont are all giant asshats and they are going down! 

Hermosa found out that Donna’s grandmother was killed by Mr. DuPont back in the day after he stole the idea of Tracy True mystery stories from her. Somehow at the end of all this mess, Donna thinks that by transferring schools she can just up and write new Tracy True mysteries and live happily ever after. Betty, of course, blackmails her and Donna leaves with her tail between her legs. 

Loose Ends

So these Stonie kids are all murderers? I don’t get it. Is it like just the ones who are part of that weird club? Is Joan part of the weird club? What about Jonathon? Is anyone going to find his body and give him a proper burial? There are too many loose ends here and it is bothering me. 

The part here that irritates me is that it makes Charles seem like a real FBI agent, which I had been sure he wasn’t. I mean, we know his boyfriend is a psycho murderer who is in jail. Maybe the writers forgot that part? I don’t know. He is in on this fake death the whole time, using FBI resources like they are going out of style. 

FP, Jughead and FP’s Dad reunite in the end. And the students all talk about being part of the Riverdale Variety Show. Maybe we’ll find out who was videotaping their houses with some kind of weird “variety show” documentary. Or did this plotline get forgotten, too?

Watch again when the show comes back Wednesday, April 8 on The CW, or tune back in on The Painted Lines for our recap.