The week started like any other. Who would’ve guessed where I’d be by the end?

This week’s episode begins with Archie Andrews wanting to apply for college, but it’s a little late in the game. If you remember, Veronica, Betty and Jughead have already applied and been accepted into colleges. More alarming than not yet having applied, however, is the fact that Archie might not even pass his senior year of high school! Archie asks if he’ll be able to walk with his friends during graduation, and Principal Honey spews a snarky response: “I find the notion of an undeserving student being allowed to walk with his peers without fulfilling the basic requirements to graduate quite absurd.” Rude.

Therein lies the rum

Veronica and Archie choose not to talk about what will happen when she heads back to New York for college. Principal Honey finds a flask of alcohol in Veronica’s locker. I guess they randomly search lockers at Riverdale High because they worry about the well-being of students. I find this laughable, because normally the adults on this show don’t seem to care or have a clue what their children are doing. This is, however, an important topic that I’m glad the writers finally incorporated into the show. These kids are in high school and they spend A LOT of time drinking. Archie tells Mr. Honey that it is his flask and he ends up with a week’s detention. 

I think Veronica’s drinking is related the fact that she’s going through a lot. All of the kids in this show are going through a lot. They experienced lifetimes of drama each week! Knowing that Mr. Lodge has a serious illness has only made things worse for Veronica. She’s lucky to have Archie on her side.

Veronica, you’re the strongest person that I know. And right now, you have to give some of that strength to your dad. You know better than anyone how to get him fired up. That’s what he needs. – Archie to Veronica

Jughead plays Caesar

Jughead deals with the fact that he is no longer in the weird Quill and Skull cult. Last week Betty broke into their secret lair and stole Donna’s “confession.” Unfortunately, he is also told that his ghostwriting contract is done: “We’re terminating your Baxter Brothers contract for failure to deliver satisfactory material by March 15th.” The Ides of March is apparently a big deal at Stonewall Prep, and they throw a party in the woods. This makes me nervous because I’m pretty sure this will be the episode when we find Jughead dead. The Ides of March is a day marked by doom throughout history and not just for Romans named Caesar.

Betty offers advice to Jughead about the book he is writing, suggesting he use his real-life experience about Stonewall Prep. He uses the name “Jarhead” for one of the characters, haha. Yes, this book will be sort of autobiographical. Jarhead gets locked in a coffin on Halloween- sound familiar? It should. His writing gets cut short because Mr. DuPont calls the students into the library and accuses Jughead of plagiarism. He claims that the essay which got him into Yale was written by someone else. When Jughead goes to get his laptop as proof, he finds that the laptop has been stolen.

It’s an emboscada

Cheryl and Toni
Pictured (L-R): Vanessa Morgan as Toni and Madelaine Petsch as Cheryl — Photo: Dean Buscher/The CW — © 2020 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

Veronica, Toni, and Cheryl set up a trap to catch Veronica’s half-sister, Hermosa. She had been trying to get more information about the Maple Club and its rum operation. Veronica wants to know if their father is trying to set her up. She is hurt to find out that Hermosa knew about their father’s illness before she did. I really don’t understand this character. Hermosa is not necessary and neither is her alter-ego, Rosa. If Mr. Lodge did indeed send Hermosa to investigate what Veronica is doing, then I do truly feel bad for her, because she was trying to mend fences. 

Mr. DuPont is still lying

When Betty and Jughead break into Mr. DuPont’s office, they find Jughead’s original manuscript “The Boy in the River.” It is marked ready to send and no longer bears Jughead’s signature. This guy makes me sick. And seriously, between Riverdale High and Stonewall Prep, it’s no wonder that everyone who comes out of Riverdale ends up slightly disturbed if not completely psycho. The fact that Mr. DuPont is just as bad as the kids should be surprising, but it isn’t. One thing that does bother me, though, is why Jughead’s grandfather didn’t warn him about this mess. I mean, when he first found his grandfather I thought we would learn more about what happened at Stonewall Prep, but he really didn’t provide much insight. 

Prepare to be eaten

Veronica decides that the best way to fire up her father and give him strength is to continue threatening his rum legacy. She lets him know that in a blind taste test people liked her rum better. She also lets him know that Cheryl is renovating the factory so they can make 300% more rum by next year. This seems to work, because Mr. Lodge says she has awoken the dragon and should be prepared to be eaten. Hermione and Hermosa might love Mr. Lodge, but it seems that Veronica is the one who really knows how to get him up and moving.  Veronica invites them to sit back and watch. 

This is why we don’t go off alone in the woods

Betty and Jughead go to the Stonewall Prep party in the woods, even after Jughead decided to leave Stonewall Prep. I should preface that by explaining he was blackmailed with the sex-tape Bret secretly recorded of Jughead and Betty. Eck. Bret and Jughead head off to talk about things and then Betty and Donna have some words. Donna tells Betty that she knows the secret words which will turn her into a killer. I was afraid “tangerine” would all come back around at some point because we never did get closure after that episode. 

Betty invited Veronica and Archie to this party, so eventually the four will be together. We already know when, though- we’ve been teased with this preview since day one of this season- Archie and Veronica will find Jughead on the ground with his head bashed in and Betty will be holding a bloody rock.

I’m still holding out hope that this is all for Jughead’s story and that it isn’t real. 

Watch again when the show comes back next Wednesday on The CW, or tune back in on The Painted Lines for our recap.